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Extra-curricular activities
Old 8th Mar 2007 12:20
Andreas
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A strictly Catholic all-girls' school... not quite the usual setting for a romantic encounter. But this school... inside its walls was where I got my first kiss, my first girlfriend... and I ended up getting quite a bit more, eventually.

I just had my 18th birthday and in my last year of high school. My name was Kate, and I was quite the little poet, everyone said so. I was always writing poetry in the back of my notebooks, something that frustrated my teachers no end. But there was one teacher who never seemed to mind, in fact she always seemed quite pleased at me expressing my talent, which to my mind was my only one. Her name was Miss McLaughlin, and she was my English teacher. I admired her for her immense knowledge of my favorite subject, her taste in literature that was akin to my own, and over time I found myself increasingly admiring her beautiful blue eyes, her soft blond hair, and wondering would those red lips taste as good as they looked.

It was a normal day for me. I had English just after break-time, an hour-long session, then afterwards I had physics for an hour until lunch break. As the bell tolled at the end of my English lesson, I, as I always did, took my blue W.I.T.C.H. notebook where I kept all my poetry and walked up to Miss McLaughlin's desk.
Everyone else was filing out and she watched them all leave, waiting until the room was empty before she addressed me, or acknowledged me even. When we were alone, she said "So, Kate. Have you brought some more poetry for me?"
I nodded and opened the book at a particular page. The poem was about a woman named Shauna who had beautiful blond hair and swirling blue eyes... it was my most forward attempt to date at telling her how I felt, admitting my feelings, even if it was going to get me into trouble.
She read silently, then she looked up at me, and told me to shut the door and pull a chair up to her desk and sit beside her. Doing this I felt heavy with dread, regretting my actions. I had gone too far. I'd get into trouble now. Sitting in the plastic chair beside her heavy wooden desk where my poem was lying open, I prepared myself for my ultimate doom.

"You know my name is Shauna." she said quietly once I'd sat and a silence lasting a few seconds had passed between us. "I can only deduce that this poem was written about me."
"It was, miss." I looked at my hands which were resting on my lap, in the fold in the center of my schoolgirl's skirt. God I wished she'd pull my skirt off right then and take me there at her desk, but it wasn't going to happen.
"Why did you write this poem?" she went on, quietly and gently, but I knew that any moment she would break into a rage, she was a bit of a psychopath, and very unpredictable.
"Because... I've got a crush, that's all." I confessed quickly. "I know it's not... it won't..." I stuttered a little here, tripping over my words. "I just wanted you to know, that's all. I couldn't say it... I'd write what I couldn't say."
She looked at me, with sympathy, and a curious glint in her eye. I almost imagined it was lust, or I would have liked to dream that it was, but soon I'd find out."
"What class are you supposed to be at now?" she said.
"Physics." I said quietly.
"Tell Mr McConville that I kept you behind. He won't mind." she said. "We need to talk."
I looked up at her, almost pleadingly, begging her with my desperate look not to punish me for the crush I couldn't control.
"I'm not going to punish you, Kate." she said quietly. She tilted her head, looking at me, a small grin breaking out on her face "I'm going to love you."
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Comments to Story: Extra-curricular activities
Old 11th Mar 2007   #1
cabinboy
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Default Re: Extra-curricular activities

Hmmm, very good. But im not ever so sure that i liked the suggestion of forced sex.
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Old 12th Mar 2007   #2
lushi
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Default Re: Extra-curricular activities

Andreas, Nice effort there. Good foundation piece. Hope the following comments help you and they are offered to you with mindfulness.

1. Editing help would have made it flow and read a bit better. There is some great, free editing software on the internet that will check for sentence structure, tense and so on that you might want to investigate. On the other hand, ask someone you feel good about to help you edit it.

2. As to the story, I was actually a taken aback at the turn to forced sex. Perhaps if there had been a bit more insight into the teacher in advance the shock wouldn't have been as intense.

3. It would have been great to have continued on with the completion of the episode, esp. since it never happened again between the characters. That would have also helped reduce the feeling of abruptness at the end.

... Hope this helps. .... Lushi
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Old 18th Oct 2007   #3
kittykat
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Default Re: Extra-curricular activities

This started out pretty good, but wow, the forced sex thing kinda threw me for a loop.

I have to agree with lushi here, there needed to be a bit more about the teacher's and the student's tendencies. The sex scene may not have been so shocking, then.
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Old 5th Mar 2008   #4
Dionysius
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Default Re: Extra-curricular activities

Powerful shift in perspective of a naive 18 year old and an adult who apparently can't tell the difference between sex and violence.
Unsettling.
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