Dear diary

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Dear diary

I know this is my first entry in years, but I feel the need to get my feelings today down in words.

As I wake up today, I can’t believe that tomorrow I’m leaving this house. I am sat in my bed writing for the last ever time, on the verge of a whole new life. Exciting, but so many memories will be left behind here. I grew up here, spent so much of my life here. I look around my bedroom, and half of my possessions are boxed. The other half wait for me to quench my emotions, and pay this final homage. Finish the last page of this proverbial chapter.

How will I say goodbye to this bed? This beautiful king size bed. I’ve had it since the age of 11. Now, fourteen years later, it will be left behind. As I write this, the morning sun pouring through my curtains, I’m reminded of so many mornings in this bed. The morning I was woken up by my crying father. Mum was in hospital. Some kind of accident. It was already too late when we got there. More nights and morning full of tears and loneliness, as an only child. But happy memories too. My thirteenth birthday, and the grand inauguration of our new swimming pool. All my friends came over and it was also the first day I really noticed the way so many of our female friends had changed. Had started to become women. Especially Lizzy Orgood. 15 years old, she was miles ahead of us, and she really had grown into a splendid young woman. How many other mornings, and evenings were spent in this bed, thinking about Lizzy Orgood? The beautiful Lizzy. Ever since I discovered Lizzy’s power over me, I also discovered another certain part of myself. And so many more mornings and evenings were spent, sending myself into the happy paradise of my own short lived orgasms and ejaculation fantasies. Always with eyes scrunched shut, desperately trying to mentally create the final bits of Lizzy Orgood that my mind had never yet perceived – fighting to mentally imagine sexual acts between me and Lizzy I had never experienced.

But sadly all of the following parade of memories are not of Lizzy. I struggle with the chronology, but I know that a line of girls, each of varying significance passed through this room. My first proper girlfriend, Trudy Radcliffe. About 4 months of snugging at school, and the occasional Saturday or Sunday of petting and ‘hanging out’ at the age of 14. I don’t recall ever really having strong feelings for Trudy. She was just a rite of passage really. Looking back, I guess that’s normal for 14 year olds. She introduced me to real interpersonal sexual experience though, and finally distracted me from Lizzy Orgood. I still saw Lizzy every weekend at the athletics track, but I forced myself to replace her in my mind at night.

Natalie Parsons. Funny girl. Followed Trudy almost immediately. Brown hair, practically no breasts but was really into me, so I went along with it. We had fun, and being at different schools, saw each other about three evenings a week. With Natalie it went from petting to heavy petting. I enjoyed Natalie, but somehow just never felt too compelled to really push things forward with her. I guess I just felt too young, at only 15, to really be worrying about sex, although I thought about it a lot. Then I met Leanne. She really shook me apart. Wow!! Leanne. Blonde, slim, from the school on the ‘bad side’ of the city, she really cast a spell on me. The day I met Leanne I knew we’d get together. Even now, over 10 years later, I think of her and smile. I dumped Natalie immediately. This was awful of me. Natalie and Leanne knew each other well, although there was no loyalty between them. Leanne wasn’t bothered, and neither was I but Natalie would hate me for years to come. I was an arsehole back then. But I just flew for Leanne like a horny teenager following his cock like a compass. She had lit the touch paper of my teenage libido, and my love affair with the female body really began here. The first girl I ever saw completely naked. Leanne had been a model. Of course, that means little at 15 but she was the picture of youthful beauty.

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