Should I anyway?

lilypad

I have a friend (seriously) who is not really interested in anal sex. Her partner wants anal sex... ALL the time. It's almost like he's obsessed with it. She doesn't mind a little finger play, and he's always very careful to properly lube. She just really does not want to go full out anal anymore. Yes, she used to... and enjoyed it a time or two. But her view is that neither of them achieve orgasm during and the process of washing up after... is too long and she then looses interest.

I told her I knew the right people to ask... What should she do? Should she do this for her man anyway... even though she really doesn't want to? And, if so, how often? He wants this.. ALL the time.

Thanks Mindfuls!

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sosinful

Hello Lily!

Being completely honest, I've never once tried anal sex but there's something about it that has never caught my interest.

I think that doing something (from time to time) that you're not truly fond of for the sake of your partners happiness isn't always a bad idea but my worry would be that if he wanted to do that same act constantly, I'd be miserable and without the same appeal, after a while it may be detrimental to the relationship itself.

Personally I don't think I'd be so willing to do something I was set against doing - I believe there are plenty of other things that would make both people involved sexually fulfilled. I've been on that one sided sex trip before - he was happy and I felt empty.....it just wasn't worth it to me.

Just out of curiosity, what was it that caused her to lose her interest in it in the first place? If she's tried it before and enjoyed it as well - was there something other than the lack of orgasm and the mess afterwards that sort of steered her away from it?

I realize I wasn't much help....someone that has actually experienced anal sex may have a better insight to it but I can only say that I've learned that sex - no matter what form of sex it may be - should be agreed to and desired by both people for it to be a satisfying experience.

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msounds

Hi Lily!

First of all, I think the ass itself is a quite delicate area to begin with... so - when it comes to anal - usually people are divided into three types:

- those who love it
- those who don't

Hmm.. did I say three types? Ok - then maybe.. also:

- those who don't mind it.. but don't care for it much also?

Seems that your friend was in the first category - then switched to third? That's possible, but! [pun intended] - if that's ALL he wants [and the rest is not the same? or.. it is affecting the rest?] - she needs to discuss this seriously with him and present the things straight [again, pun almost intended].

Some people are just not in the mood for anal all the time and maybe he needs to be a bit more patient and wait until her interest is back - if she truly was in the first category once, most likely she will come back one day or she will keep enjoying it from time to time.

From my [little] experience, I'd say that if he pushes the matter she will probably oppose it even further so - it's better for him to let things settle down a bit. Go back to that [happy?] clit, ya know? Or - make it happy.. and everything else will relax.. further! *smile*

And - to answer your other question - if she should do it for him? Well - yes and no. I mean.. if it's that important to him - then - yes - it will mean a lot to show that she can 'open' herself to him - even though she is not enjoying it as much - BUT [again] it must be something done not too often and not too long either.. preferably towards the end? [especially if she loses interest during the cleaning process].

I say not often only because the sex can get _quite_ boring if she is not into it and he notices it as well. And.. well - I don't see the point of boring sex, personally. Better a read a book together or solve a sudoku puzzle or something! *smile*

Hope this helped - I will give it more thought and see if I can bring more to the subject.

Let us know what your friend thinks about these answers as well and keep us posted on the events!


Here,
MSounds

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desertwolfaz

Life, especially when it comes to relationships, is all about compromise and finding common ground. She should not be pressured to engage in something that she truly dislikes but on the other hand she probably should be willing to go the extra mile for the sake of his happiness at least once in a while. Anal is one of those things that some peopl like, others detest, and still others could care less. It seems to me that open communication, trust, and respect are the keys to the answer.

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planet_jane

I don’t reach orgasm easily, but when I do it is usually a thunderous experience that triggers in me a response of uninhibited generous gratitude toward my boyfriend. This often leads to further exploration of “untrammeled sexual territory” as my boyfriend likes to call it and additional orgasms for me. For us anal sex is sometimes part of this “territory”. We enjoy it irregularly but often. Our available time together, our energy and my BF’s staying power will determine if anal is part of an evening’s activity. I enjoy it on these occasions. At times when we are both drunk enough I sometimes anally fuck my BF with my vibrator. He’s such a baby.

I might suggest that your friend offers her man a similar kind of tit-for-tat arrangement. It will help keep anal special instead of an every day expectation.

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