Joke corner

msounds

Good morning Lily!

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*putting myself back in order*

Yes, darling - I am _very_ sure.

[want proof?]

*smiles*


Here,
MSounds

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lilypad

Proof - hmmmm. You mean... we finally get to meet your ...partner. Speaking of the term 'partner' verses girlfriend, misses, lady, or any of those others that would suggest gender...

Who decided on the term 'partner'? hmmmmm? I think it was ...YOU. Seems quite odd and perhaps a little proof of my own. Smiles!

I know I shouldn't tease - especially in this area - but you're so..... Easy!

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msounds

Good morning Lily,

GGRRRRR -

I was referring [somehow] to a.. different - proof.

[but I am not sure if you are so.. adventurous.. really.. hmm]

Hmm - looks like another proof is required - in this area, too!

[me? Easy??? well - maybe - for specific reasons and.. goals - beyond!]


Here,
MSounds

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msounds

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

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msounds

Lily, I think you will _love_ this!

Rules of the Bedroom golf:

* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.

* Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.

* Owner of the course must approve the equipment before may begin.

* For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.

* Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.

* Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.

* The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.

* It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.

* Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

* Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.

* Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.

* Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine [hmm - may I? - MS]

* Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner [slow is fiine! MS]

* It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

* The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.

* Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

:hammer: :hammer: :hammer:

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