Joke corner

lushi

February 28, 2007

Office of the Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Washington, D.C.

Mr. Grover Higginbotham
55543 So. Hidden Lane
Crawford, Texas

Dear Mr. Higginbotham,

On behalf of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, we would like to apologize for willfully violating the Patriot Act by snooping on your private life without proper authorization. It was wrong and we feel bad about it.

If it's any comfort to you, we found nothing illegal or terrorist-abetting in your personal information. (In fact, we discovered---and corrected---a small clerical error your bank made in October of 2002, for which you'll find a credit of 85 cents on your next statement.)

But that's not the reason we're writing you, Mr. Higginbotham. The purpose of this letter is to inform you that we think you're the biggest stud we've ever come across in our five-and-a-half years of prying into American citizens' lives without warrants (again, our bad). If it's not too much trouble, we have a few questions we're dying to get answers to:

1. What sort of trapeze do you use and how do you hook it up to your bedroom ceiling so that it supports the weight of yourself and those three flight attendants?

2. Regarding your daily calls to 1-900-HORNGRL: can you provide details on how to perform the "pineapple trick"? Is the removal difficult?

3. Likewise your secret to "cucumber snorkeling." Agent Mathers in our Atlanta forensics lab swears that this defies the laws of physics.

4. Can you tell us how the winners of your "Olympic Tongue-athalons" are determined? Must one always hum Grieg's Hall of the Mountain King during the "opening ceremonies" or will any classical piece do?

5. In your email correspondence, you seem to be able to induce orgasm in any recipient simply by writing in the subject line: "My sweet buttered chaps are smothered in gravy." How on earth does this work and do you have other phrases that achieve similar results?

Please reply at your earliest convenience. And understand that you have our deepest admiration. There may even be a medal in your future for outstanding performance by a civilian in the line of duty (if you know what I mean).

Sincerely and with great envy,


Robert Mueller, Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Washington, D.C.

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cabinboy

LMFAO Lush !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

:-D :-D

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nothingman

CRAP JOKES:

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Phone answering machine message -"...if you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key."

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said,
'Parking Fine.' That was nice.

A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore."

Sigh....sad I know and it unfortunately doesn't get much better! :roll: LOL

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lushi

Three guys were chatting about what good lovers they are.

First guy says, "When we are having sex, I suck on her toes and she almost flies off the bed in ecstacy."

Second guy says, "When I am making love, I kiss the back of her knees and she literally floats 6 inches above the bed in pleasure."

Third guy says, "That's nothing. After I finish porking the old lady, I go wipe my weener in the curtains. She hits the frigging ceiling."

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cosmogirl

A married couple is about to have sex for the first
time on their wedding night. They start to undress,
and the husband removes his shoes. The wife notices
something frightful about his feet. "Oh my goodness!
What happened to your toes?" she exclaimed. "I have
tolio," he said. "You mean polio?" she asked. "Well,
it's kind of like polio except it only affects your
toes." The husband then removes his pants. "Oh my
gosh!" the wife exclaimed again. "What happened to
your knees?" "I have kneesles. It's kind of like measles
except it only affects your knees." The husband finally
takes off his underwear. The wife says, "Wait, let
me guess, smallcox."

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