What Should I Say?

Dionysius

I know someone who has asked me this question more than once and I just don't know what to tell him any more. Here is his problem and I hope someone can help him.

It seems like every time he wants to have sex with his partner she starts off with felacio. Now I know that is the way many people start but he says she is terrible at it, never gets him to ejaculate, often hurts him. [He is healthy I believe.]
I told him once to tell her he does not like felacio. He did. She does it anyway.
On top of it, often when he asks if she'd like to have some fun, that is all she does. He asked why one time, and she said her psychotherapist said that all guys like it. So she is giving him what he wants.
He told her he does not want it that way, and she asked him: "are you normal? What is wrong with you?"
I find that last point really funny but it is my friend and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
What should he do or say???

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greedyandneedy

Dude... that's a pretty weird one.
Most guys have the opposite problem of partners who don't want to suck them off.

But I think he should just work on trying to correct her technique... gently suggesting just a few minor changes might make a world of difference.

Two things do concern me a little... she's talking to her psychotherapist about how much men like fellacio? that's a little unusual...

And, he may want to avoid telling her that he doesn't like felacio. Firstly, it isn't really believable... that's like when men tell their women that they don't like porn... no one believes it, and no one expects anyone to believe it, it's just good form to say it.

Also, if he really shuts that door, he'll never be able to open it again. Much better to let her do it, be grateful and just show her 'how she could make it even better for him...' even if that's another way of trying to say 'QUIT SQUEEZING TIL IT GOES BLUE AND STOP FUCKING BITING ME!'

Seriously, I had an ex who was crap at giving blowjobs too, but she eventually got better. Just in time for me to dump her anyway because she was a complete moron... but that's a different story.

The expression, never look a gift horse in the mouth comes to mind... I don't know why.

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lilypad

I totally agree with Greedy! Communication is generally the place to start. Now, I do know from experience that some people just aren't good at those things and no matter what he does - will not change it.

But... at least with some direction it could be a bit more COMFORTABLE for him. Just make sure he is careful of HER ego too. If he tries to change too many things at once, he may hurt her feelings.

Just one question - I got the impression from what you said that she doesn't like sexual intercourse or it isn't normally on the menu - is that what you meant? Ok... two questions... does her please her orally too?

I guess that's it for now!

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Rotsen

Other than agreeing with Greedy and Lily about the value of communication. I don't have anything of import to contribute here...never came across anything close to a bad blowjob...although I am currently lucky enough to have a girl who raises the act to an exquisitely high art. In spite of all that I still contend there is nothing quite so sublime as ramming the flesh home toward a grunting, squealing, whimpering grand finale.

But back to oral. If she is otherwise a keeper, I might suggest your friend challenge his partner into trying new oral positions - positions that give him more control. He should perhaps take hold of her hair. If she is not moronic like Greedy's orally incompetent ex, she would merit introduction to the pleasures of sixty-nine and perhaps a challenge to deep throat.

Variety is the spice of life and certainly of sex. Unfortunately America's puritanical underpinnings foster loads of sexual hangups. (Perhaps the root of the subject's need for psychoanalysis.) Of course in this day of virulent STD's one must be careful, however, committed sexual partners need to guide each other through minefields of ill-conceived inhibitions. One partner or the other needs to take the initiative to not only make the crucial first step in a courtship, but also around each roadblock to sexual pleasure. If Your friend, D, isn't commanding his partner to lick his balls she might never cross the line to the kind of slutty bedroom persona they both could find rewarding.

Please forgive that little tirade as the real reason for my reply is that Greedy, by mentioning the adage "Never look a gift horse in the mouth," triggered in my memory the punch line of an old joke. I can't remember the joke itself but within the context here the punchline seems an appropriate inverse statement that touches upon one inhibition that perhaps should not be sidestepped: Never lick a gift whore in the mouse.

Sorry, couldn't resist Greedy's beautifully teed-up opening.

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Dionysius

I have so much to say and don't know how to quote all of you at the same time. I think the way to start is to say thank you to all of you for responding first of all. I know it sounds unusual but I know it is very likely just as he says.
I know his wife too though obviously not erotically. She is kinda cute for her age, so that makes it even harder for me to imagine but he would not reveal such a thing to me if he didn't really want help.
I also know she is very religious and I remember in grammar school her dad used to clean up the church, so I suspect her still going to church now means she still is religious.
So I was even surprised that he said she is even doing it at all!
I am going to thank you all again and try to respond to your suggestions as best I can.
Eventually here I may read him what you all have to say in a summary.
I hope that is ok. If not, I won't.

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